Wednesday 15 January 2014

Facepalm: a common expression of my feelings

     I recently posted on "Bus Etiquette". One rule I proposed was the "not changing seats" rule, in which people should not swap seat while on transit. Curiously, this happened today:

     My girlfriend and I go down the 25 every morning, early. On our way there, via the 190 Express (the most beautiful sight on Sheppard before eight o'clock), we hit Vic Park and watched as a few people left - including two, formally sitting beside each other. I have to explain, however - they were sitting at the end of a full, five-person bench, and as soon as they left, the person sitting right in the middle shifted over one seat.

     And hey, about ten people got onto the bus, and a few jumped into those empty seats.

     Now, we usually try to grab seats on the 25 because it's typically a 40 minute ride, to Pape Avenue. The 190 isn't an issue, and we don't mind standing ... but as a rule, we keep an eye open for double seats, because double seats are the shit. When one opens up, there's a three-second "let's see what happens" period.

     And in those three seconds, this person decided to jump in the middle of these three seats. Dammit. I wasn't mad, honestly. We actually kinda laughed quietly ... but my point is, if you're riding the bus, think. Use your brain. And be considerate to people who're vamping on an apple for breakfast because they needed to leave by 7:30 in the goddamn morning.

Tuesday 14 January 2014

Friendly encounters are more than enough

    I forgot to ask for the driver’s name.

    The guy was driving the 190 along Sheppard last night, going back and forth from Fairview Mall to the Scarborough Town Centre. I was on the bus around 8:30, on my way to visit a friend, another friend, and possibly a third … in less than two hours. There were maybe, I don’t know, two other people sitting in the back, and this bus driver.

    I was writing a story on potholes at the time (because, with the weather Toronto’s been having, everyone’s lives were getting increasingly bumpy). Maybe that’s why I talked to him. I think I might have been looking for a good quote to use or something, so I have basically no idea why I asked him how his shift was going.

    He told me that things were moving well, and that he still had a while to go. On an off-chance, he asked what I was coming back from; I fumbled through a hasty explanation of my destination, and made a mental note: Get better at answering question, and it’ll benefit you while asking.

    I don’t mean to play it up to something it’s not. We taked for all of three minutes, and then I left for the 38 Highland. I only say this because, in the midst of a tiring and stressful job, this guy was very friendly - unexpectedly friendly. Maybe I didn’t expect it - Toronto can get awfully bogged down in self-centred busy-ness - but it struck a chord with me: we typically stumble upon negative encounters with strangers. Knowing that, and at this point, not even remotely on the topic of potholes, I wish I could put his name down.

    We seldom glorify people for simple things, like carrying a friendly conversation in a bus. Next time, I’ll get his name for you.

Monday 13 January 2014

Ten Rules of Bus Etiquette

     I don't understand.

     Well, I do. That woman on the bus, see, was simply not content with sharing space with the fellow beside her. My friend thinks she might have some sort of social anxiety, which would certainly make taking the bus a living hell.

     That said, it's the third time she's switched spots.

     I feel like there's a a certain breakdown of where people are 'expected' to sit in public transit. Single seats are golden. They would definitely be shining if no one was sitting on them. In terms of kick-ass breakfast foods, single seats on the bus are the bacon at the buffet -- impossible to get if you're riding between six in the morning and ten at night (it could be a better analogy).

     Second tier? See those beautiful, two-across seats kinda scattered from bus to bus? You guaranteed two things when you grab one: one side free, and zero - ZERO - qualms about having to stay standing for the duration of the ride. For those wondering, there are three positions you can assume when you ride the bus: sitting down, standing up, and falling down. It is my personal goal to stick with the first two.

     Also, three across seats - unless you're in the middle. See, that's where this woman started, so I understand. When you're crammed between two complete strangers, guess what? Life kinda sucks. On a scale of "not in anguish" to "anguish", the middle seat is right around "my happiness is on hold right now". Hence, when the head-bobbing poof-jacket left the bus, it was totally okay for her to switch seats.

     Then, why not move to the double-seat? Because you're already at the second tier. Mathematically speaking, you're jumping around the bus in an effort to ... what, exactly? It's the side-buddy + one rule: No side buddy? You're at the (0+1) tier. Two side buddies? You're at the (2+1) tier. It's not a difficult concept to wrap your head around.

     And then, as I'm standing there, she goes for the bacon. I swear to you, that single seat - the holy grail - lit up for one smidgen of a second, and as I watched a new passenger start for it (their prerogative, by bus etiquette), she leaps out in front of them and grabs their seat.

Hence, I propose the ten rules of bus etiquette:

1. Unoccupied single or double seats are your first option. Notice that this doesn't give you the right to sit beside me when all of three other people are on the bus.
2. You are allowed one place switch - from a "happiness on hold" seat to one right beside it.
3. People with strollers are going through hell. Going through hell is easier to bear if you're sitting down. Don't be a douche and make them stand.
4. Singing is not permitted.
5. Singing with headphones on is specifically not permitted.
6. Talking on your phone is not permitted.
7. Being yourself is permitted, as long as you're an introvert who just wants some goddamn peace and quiet.
8. The bus driver is not to be heckled. Heckling = slower bus.
9. Keep perspective. Life sucks for everyone.
10. Don't laugh when the short, unbalanced guy in front of you face-plants when the bus stops a bit suddenly. He has class a 8:30 every morning, and #9 specifically applies to him.